Overcoming Perfectionism and Finding Fulfillment with Matt Drinkhahn

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Matt, welcome to the Mindful Fire Podcast.

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I'm so glad to have you here,

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brother Adam.

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Thanks, man.

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I'm excited to be here, ready to rock and roll today, so just really appreciating you and thank you for the opportunity.

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Yeah, it's

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great to have you.

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I was on your podcast a few months back and I'll link my episode there in the show notes so people can check that out.

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But it's wonderful to have you on the podcast today and I'd love to have you start by sharing with the audience a little bit about who you are, your journey, and what you're up to in the world.

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What you need to know about me is I am a recovering perfectionist and a highly functioning workaholic.

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Someone who has been overwhelmed, stuck in my own mind, stuck in my own way for the longest time, frustrated that things aren't always exactly perfect to the tee that may have wanted them.

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These have been the challenges that have, plagued me.

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And I say plagued because they are challenges.

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And granted, they're not challenges where I don't have a house to live in.

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I don't have food on the table.

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So they're first world challenges nonetheless, if anyone out there is listening ever feels that way, they're frustrated, they're overwhelmed.

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things don't go exactly perfect the way they want'em.

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They are working themselves to the bone and they are, they're tired at the end of the day.

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They don't have time for their dear loved ones.

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these are the people that.

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I love to serve and coach in my professional business, as an executive coach, where I coach recovering perfectionists and highly functioning workaholics to scale their business and keep it simple.

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a little bit about me personally is that I am a father of three lovely daughters that are eight, six, and four.

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And my sleep schedule is somewhat interrupted from time to time.

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A few parents out there can understand.

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I have an amazing wife, Julie, who is way outta my league.

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I think that she only got with me because I can make her laugh and I'm tall and for whatever reason that, that drew her to me, I, the laughter and the tallness.

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But those of who see me on YouTube, opinions vary, but I believe I'm decent looking, right?

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but really where I shine is just being authentic and connecting with people and being very transparent.

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So those are some things about me, that the audience would know.

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I have a podcast, the Eternal Optimist.

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Podcast, so love to help people frame things that if they're ever just stuck in their own mind or having a real tough time inside, then I love to help them, share some positive light and learn from the challenges.

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So those are a few things to, to kick things off today, Adam.

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Sounds great.

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tell me a little bit about your journey from, a point where you were unaware of this perfectionism and Recovering or High functioning workaholic.

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Yes.

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Like how did you first come to have that awareness?

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I think a lot of people are just running so fast, they don't even have the awareness that there's a problem, right?

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Yeah.

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So how did you first come to that and how did that evolve?

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I think back to a very specific moment in my life.

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I was 24 years old.

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I was an entrepreneur running a business, and I remember that I was burning the candle at all ends, Adam.

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And I remember it was on a Monday in the summer of 2001, 24 years old that I woke up that Monday morning.

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I've got, probably about a hundred people in the sales force that are working with us.

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probably got about six or seven, like full-time key employees in the organization.

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And I woke up and literally I was so exhausted that I could not get up.

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It was the first time in my entire professional career that I physically malfunctioned.

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My body would not work.

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I was seeing blurry, I couldn't get up.

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I was so exhausted.

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I had to call Kevin and man, I'm so thankful for Kevin.

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I had to call Kevin and say, Hey, I can't run the interviews today.

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I can't come in.

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I need a day off.

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Cause I'm just so exhausted.

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And Kevin, for the life of man, he went in there in all his interviews, so incredibly grateful to him.

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But that day I realized that I am trying to do everything myself because it's gotta be done in this very specific way to this very high standard.

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And I cannot let anyone else do it.

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I've gotta do it myself.

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And that was a great lesson to learn.

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I'm so glad I learned it at 24 because, I don't know if I would still be around today if I was still burning the candle like 80, 90 hours a week at work.

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if you look at another challenge that came from this workaholism, it was what cost me every relationship that I had in my twenties and early thirties, Adam.

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Is that I would go so hard working and this is a six or seven day phenomena for me.

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This isn't, nine to five.

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This is the entrepreneurial life of wake up and then go to bed and you work in between those times.

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No vacations, no, nothing other than work hard.

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There may have been work hard, play hard in there too, but I look at it and I didn't spend any time personally with any of the few women that I dated in that time, and I feel bad for them.

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I should probably go and try to reconnect with all of'em and say, I'm sorry.

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Because I thought that I was doing what was best for the relationship by making a lot of money and working really hard, saving for the future.

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And in reality, I was satisfying my own need to achieve, accomplish and do things on my terms the way I wanted'em.

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I wanted to be in control.

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And the way that perfectionism shows up is that we have this desire to control everything.

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And for me, that showed up in, everything I did.

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So I may have said that I'm doing this for us, dear.

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And what was really happening was, if I'm willing to admit it now, is I was doing it for my need for status, for accomplishment, for achievement, to look good in my father's eyes.

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that was what was really driving me.

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And until someone pulled the veil back and said, Matt, you are the cause of every challenging and every relationship you're having, you are the one that is the bottleneck in your business.

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Until you let go of that perfectionism, you're gonna keep having this challenge over and over again in your life.

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And that is what permeated my relationships in my twenties and early thirties.

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Adam is, that perfectionism and highly functioning workaholic.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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that's.

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One That sounds exhausting.

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and it clearly was exhausting, I resonated with what you said about you saw it as the right thing to do.

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Like that you were actually showing up and investing your energy in making it better.

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And I like have that feeling sometimes cuz I feel like I'm very much driven by achievement and words of affirmation and all of the, praise and that kind of thing.

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so I, enjoyed like doing things like this, like the side hustle and the podcast and all these things.

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And I sometimes think that it's like I'm doing this to set us up for the future, but in reality it's not really earning that much money right now.

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Or, hopefully that will change soon.

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Yeah.

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But.

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Also, we don't need the money because we have two full-time jobs and we do just fine and we save and live within our means.

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So what really is it adding?

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And so that, that's to say that there are other benefits, but I think there needs to be a little bit more structure around it because otherwise it can just be on my mind all the time and cause me to not be present when I'm with my kids or my wife because I'm thinking about, oh, how am I gonna write that podcast pitch email?

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Or how am I gonna do this?

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Or what might this look like?

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Yeah.

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you're really connecting with me and I bet many of your listeners, probably all your listeners, and this idea that, when is enough, we have this desire to go and achieve, accomplished to be something that, you just said it, if you're meeting financial needs and you're saving a little bit, And where do I go next?

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Do I go and keep leaning into the podcast, leaning into my next book, leaning into my business, leaning into whatever, at the expense of loving time with my wife, loving time with my kids?

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so my answer to that or my thought around that might be a question.

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And I think that's the thing, is what question can I ask that can help me to clarify what I want most?

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And I think the question that's coming to me right now, Adam, I'm curious what question might come to you?

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For me, it's how might I achieve and be fully present as a loving husband and dad at the same time?

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So how do I get better, at what I do or more efficient at what I do?

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Or, how might I prioritize things more effectively so that I can achieve and be present for my wife and for my kids?

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And I don't think I've always been that.

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I think it's been business first and failing gets what's left over.

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And many of us and entrepreneurs can connect around that Many of us who are, stressed at the full-time career, W2 jobs or whatever.

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But by that, we work and the kids or the family gets what's left over.

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So how do we shift that paradigm?

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And I feel that over the last five years since joining the front row dads and being a part of some groups I'm a part of with accountability, be able to shift that.

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It's all in the question that we're asking ourselves.

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Are we asking ourself a question in envisioning a place, where we can have what we want most?

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Cause I want, I think we want the same thing, Adam.

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We wanna be the best dads husbands.

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Sure.

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Yeah.

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Absolutely.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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is that in our daily question, is that a part of our regular daily thinking routine to ask, how am I showing up as a dad today?

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How am I showing up as a husband today?

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How am I showing up as, a member of this family today?

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Yeah.

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Yeah,

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so you were saying like, it, it's about asking yourself questions to help you get more clarity on the situation.

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Is that what you were saying?

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Hundred percent, yeah.

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It's about the questions that we ask ourselves.

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It's about the questions we ask ourselves.

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the question that is, if you envision it, that anything that happens in your life, it causes a response in you or a reaction in you.

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If the reaction or response is a question that serves you and that serves your priorities, then you figured out the game.

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if it's a statement that happens, then you are stuck in reactive mode in that present moment.

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Here's an example.

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I am getting ready to take my children to school a couple weeks ago.

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We go out to the garage, I push the button on the garage door and it will not open.

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And darn it, some sound happened, Adam, where my garage door would not open and it snapped and it broke.

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And now my cars are stuck in the garage and I unlocked the mechanism, try to lift the door, and long story short, was not able to lift the door by myself.

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So in that moment, I can get really frustrated, ticked off.

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My coaching calls are gonna start late.

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My kids are gonna be late to school, my wife is gonna be inside.

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This is gonna stress her out.

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I can think about and make statements in my mind about all this stuff that's gonna happen.

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I can worry about it.

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Or because I've been practicing this with my coach.

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But with your help, when you were on my show, I've been envisioning how might I respond when something out of my control happens in front of my kids.

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All right, so the second that garage door popped, it wouldn't open.

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My question becomes, How might I model this behavior for my kids and connect with them right now in this experience?

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hey kids, guess what?

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This is an opportunity for us to have an adventure together.

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So what do you wanna do?

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I offered up some choices.

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You, we can order an Uber and take an Uber to school.

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all three of us together in the backseat of an Uber.

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Yeah.

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Or we can make this a scavenger hunt and we can go to school together and walk to school.

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it's 1.25 miles to the school.

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We can walk to school together now, which would you prefer?

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You, so I gave them a chance to, for us to, either way we're gonna have an adventure together and do something together, right?

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The el alternative is, man, this sucks, this is horrible.

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And I'm so ticked off and everything's gonna be late, and I'm so stressed out.

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and instead, because the trip wire in Matt's brain through a lot of, discipline, lot of work has become, how might I turn this into a chance to connect with my kids?

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How might I turn this into a moment to model something for the kids?

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So it's back that idea that when something adverse or challenging happens, how might we program our minds to see first and think in terms of questions that serve us rather than statements that judge the situation and get us angry and stressed out.

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That might be the way that I would interpret and use mindful fire is by practicing the art of thinking through questions when challenges happen.

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Yeah,

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I like that a lot.

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I have not thought about that, but it makes a lot of sense.

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So it's just a matter of creating a practice and reminding yourself to go to questions when you notice yourself going to statements and Yes.

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Mm-hmm.

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And it's, I think of it much like any other practice, with mindfulness, The training and the practice of mindfulness, I'm able to create some space between the stimulus and the response, So Something happens and hopefully I take a deep breath and I give it some space before I start, going into whatever mode.

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And sounds like I could also add, what question might be helpful here.

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and I really like that.

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And back to your question you gave me, what, how can I achieve and, be present for my family?

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I think that, yeah, there's.

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Certainly it is just creating some boundaries, right?

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Like creating some time in the day, carving out some time or what I was telling you before, I'm gonna be taking off a day each week over the next several weeks.

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I have a lot of vacation days to use.

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And also I wanna invest in this program that I'm investing in.

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financially.

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I want to invest time and energy.

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And the best way to do that and to achieve in that way is to have that time when my son is at school, the nanny is here with the baby.

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And I would normally be doing my normal Google work, but I can take a day off and I can do that.

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And what I also love about that is it's an opportunity for me to practice what I preach, right?

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And I am encouraging people and going to be encouraging people more as I go forward to really design their ideal day.

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because my whole thing is you don't have to wait to finance your independence to live the life that you want.

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You can design that ideal day and then just like take a day off and live that day.

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And so that's what I'm going to be doing here.

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So it's like serving multiple purposes, but when my son gets off school, I'm not gonna think about work at all.

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I'm not gonna think about the side hustle at all.

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I'm just going to go and play with him and have fun and go do something cool and then, yeah.

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it's, achieving that, that question.

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Oh, I love what you just said.

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Back to achievement.

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Yeah.

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I really resonate with the idea of the design of the ideal day.

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Because if we don't just think about the, consequence.

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If we don't design the ideal day, guess what happens?

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Whatever ends up happening becomes whatever it is.

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So we get into this reactive mode where we wake up, we grab a cup of coffee out the door fast, kiss a baby, hug your wife, go to work, come home end of the day, and then go straight to dinner, and then go straight to tv, put the kids down tv, relax, bed.

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And that might be a day, roughly how a lot of people live it.

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No judgment.

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By the way, if anyone lives that day, I've lived that day a number of times.

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Sure.

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Too, if there is an ideal day out there, what might that look like?

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and the idea.

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Yeah.

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yeah.

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What do I look like for you?

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and here's the exercise for the listener at home.

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and both you and I can keep doing this as well, Adam.

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it's, writing down what might that ideal day look like?

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That question may be inaccessible for some people, because it sounds like an overwhelming challenge sometimes to create an ideal day.

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So I might just start with.

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If you could design or engineer the first 10 minutes of your day What would the first 10 minutes of an ideal day look like on a regular Friday for you, for example?

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and for me, I would love to wake up on a day, like a Friday.

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And the first thing I do when I get up, I go in the bathroom, I brush my teeth.

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I like to get that fresh feeling because for me, once I brush my teeth, I feel like I'm really awake and alive for the day.

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So I go in there, I brush the teeth, and this is like a minute and a half or two minute thing to brush the teeth.

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The ideal day for me is to wake up, go in there and brush my teeth.

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And when I'm doing it, I'm really just present and cool and at peace with it.

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And if anybody really resonates the idea of how do you stay present, cool.

00:19:29.961 --> 00:19:49.385
And at peace when you start your day, one way might be, Take, brushing your teeth as an example, or drinking a cup of water or going downstairs, reading the paper, or stepping outside, whatever it is, the first minute of that first thing you do when you wake up, do it mindfully.

00:19:50.346 --> 00:19:51.066
Wait a second, Matt.

00:19:51.070 --> 00:19:51.605
what are you saying?

00:19:51.605 --> 00:19:52.865
That doesn't sound like you're saying that much.

00:19:52.865 --> 00:19:57.066
It may not seem like I'm saying much When you start to practice mindfulness.

00:19:57.365 --> 00:20:00.365
The first minute of brushing my teeth, do it mindfully.

00:20:00.425 --> 00:20:03.546
Feel that carpet or rug underneath your feet.

00:20:03.786 --> 00:20:12.096
Feel your body acclimating in your, whatever your pajamas look like, or if you're just sleeping shirtless, feel that air in your bathroom, on your body.

00:20:12.365 --> 00:20:15.875
Look yourself in the eye, in the mirror as you're coming alive.

00:20:16.236 --> 00:20:18.935
Feel the bristles on your teeth.

00:20:19.236 --> 00:20:22.806
Yo, do the first minute of that first thing.

00:20:22.895 --> 00:20:25.355
Do it mindfully, and then do that.

00:20:25.355 --> 00:20:27.486
Commit to doing that every day for the first 10 days.

00:20:28.175 --> 00:20:38.076
And it can literally transform the way that you start your day to do that first thing mindfully for one minute.

00:20:38.586 --> 00:20:40.115
That's the exercise, that's the challenge.

00:20:40.385 --> 00:20:43.205
Oh, and by the way, I didn't mention this in the beginning.

00:20:43.296 --> 00:20:44.556
I maybe should have had a disclaimer.

00:20:45.155 --> 00:20:47.736
This is going to be very challenging.

00:20:47.776 --> 00:20:51.576
It's gonna be hard because you're gonna feel like nothing's happening.

00:20:51.576 --> 00:20:52.655
Why am I doing this?

00:20:52.935 --> 00:20:54.611
you're gonna feel like this is pointless.

00:20:54.770 --> 00:20:56.030
I am already brushing my teeth.

00:20:56.030 --> 00:20:56.871
I'm already getting up.

00:20:56.871 --> 00:20:58.191
Why would I do it mindfully?

00:20:58.191 --> 00:21:01.431
What does it even mean on the other side of that?

00:21:01.431 --> 00:21:06.201
Here's the advantage of the benefit, is you're teaching yourself how to be present.

00:21:06.471 --> 00:21:08.030
And it takes reps, man.

00:21:08.030 --> 00:21:20.421
It takes discipline to do that when you can learn to be present, there is a level of inner peace and joy and happiness that you can find in anything that you do when you learn how to do things mindfully.

00:21:20.780 --> 00:21:25.730
This is how it all starts in the first one minute of whatever action you do.

00:21:26.090 --> 00:21:27.260
In the first 10 minutes of your day.

00:21:28.280 --> 00:21:29.300
Yeah, I love that.

00:21:29.391 --> 00:21:31.961
And I think you're preaching to the choir, right?

00:21:32.411 --> 00:21:33.040
On this one?

00:21:33.101 --> 00:21:33.340
Yeah.

00:21:33.520 --> 00:21:37.010
Oh, I, this is a receptive crowd to that idea, right?

00:21:37.451 --> 00:21:44.500
This is a, hopefully this is a receptive crowd to this idea, but I really like that specificity, right?

00:21:44.500 --> 00:21:51.490
The first thing that you do it mindfully, because it sets up the rest of the day for that, right?

00:21:51.641 --> 00:22:00.311
If you start your day, like I often do, jumping out of bed running to make sure that my son, my four year old doesn't wake up my 10 month old.

00:22:01.040 --> 00:22:03.131
That's a different experience.

00:22:03.141 --> 00:22:04.671
it's a very different experience.

00:22:05.030 --> 00:22:12.711
And having my son as my alarm clock since he was born, probably not the most mindful or useful approach.

00:22:13.221 --> 00:22:16.790
So I really like this idea of just starting mindfully.

00:22:17.211 --> 00:22:17.871
And one thing that.

00:22:19.175 --> 00:22:25.451
I know both of us have done, or you do and I have done to varying degrees is the Miracle Morning.

00:22:25.961 --> 00:22:28.371
And we can we can talk a little bit more about that.

00:22:28.861 --> 00:22:34.655
the Miracle Morning thing I was doing that, love the concept, love the book, did it for a while.

00:22:34.655 --> 00:22:37.536
Then my son was born and all went to hell.

00:22:39.185 --> 00:22:39.425
Yes.

00:22:39.425 --> 00:22:49.455
And I have not gotten back into it because he wakes up at it, it was later I could have been doing it, but now he wakes up at like between five 30 and six 30 every day.

00:22:49.756 --> 00:22:51.016
Mostly before six.

00:22:51.096 --> 00:22:51.385
Yeah.

00:22:52.726 --> 00:22:53.205
And

00:22:53.256 --> 00:22:54.806
This is a real challenge.

00:22:54.806 --> 00:23:00.631
Yeah, this is tough cuz I'm with you too, because I remember I started The Miracle Morning after my first child was born.

00:23:00.961 --> 00:23:10.570
I started it in July of 2015 and after I started doing the Miracle Morning and I start, I followed it to the t I did all the savers, the, the S A V E R S as Hal talks about the book.

00:23:10.570 --> 00:23:13.300
So I did all those things and it took me about 60 to 90 minutes.

00:23:13.661 --> 00:23:21.510
And because our first child was one that, went straight to the bottle, didn't do breastfeeding easily, went straight to the bottle.

00:23:21.671 --> 00:23:25.480
Julie and I shared midnight duties or 2:00 AM duties of feeding it.

00:23:25.721 --> 00:23:29.875
Now, to be fully transparent, Julie did that 90% of the time.

00:23:30.185 --> 00:23:32.016
And I'm familiar, yeah.

00:23:32.016 --> 00:23:38.621
When I would get up to try to do it, sometimes she'd already be up with it or sometimes she was so tired she said, I can't do it.

00:23:39.101 --> 00:23:39.851
And I went and did it.

00:23:40.030 --> 00:23:45.570
And that's still out of every, let's say one month of that I probably did it.

00:23:46.621 --> 00:23:49.381
Three or four times in a month, and she still got up every night and did it.

00:23:49.381 --> 00:23:50.550
So praise to her for that.

00:23:50.980 --> 00:23:54.131
but I still did that miracle warning cuz I was able to sleep.

00:23:54.131 --> 00:24:03.806
So I started doing it when my kids were, when my first child was alive, I started doing it and it didn't have too much of a negative impact to my miracle warning.

00:24:04.105 --> 00:24:12.425
Now fast forward, about two years later to three years later, my first daughter starts to come downstairs.

00:24:12.996 --> 00:24:17.826
And I used to think she was interrupting my miracle morning time.

00:24:18.066 --> 00:24:22.675
And in reality, I had the frame that this is an interruption.

00:24:22.796 --> 00:24:24.125
I had to frame that.

00:24:24.425 --> 00:24:26.945
Now I'm not able to do this Miracle Morning stuff anymore.

00:24:26.951 --> 00:24:28.590
And now I have to parent.

00:24:28.891 --> 00:24:31.471
And that was totally, that's an acceptable frame.

00:24:31.560 --> 00:24:32.040
Okay?

00:24:32.096 --> 00:24:33.086
Here's a different one to try out.

00:24:33.145 --> 00:24:38.806
The different one is now, instead of, this is a hindrance, this is, I cannot do my Miracle Morning anymore Now.

00:24:39.840 --> 00:24:43.496
How my daughter helped me to elevate my miracle morning practice, right?

00:24:43.675 --> 00:24:49.615
So she comes downstairs, I'm ready for it, and I've got a coloring book ready for her.

00:24:50.046 --> 00:24:53.050
I've got, some kid's book ready for her.

00:24:53.500 --> 00:25:00.070
I've got something over here that she can do that's complimentary to while I'm doing my miracle warning.

00:25:00.851 --> 00:25:02.740
And we now both do it together.

00:25:03.671 --> 00:25:15.060
So in any given week right now, when my first daughter or second daughter come downstairs, the eight and six year old come downstairs, they've got something they can do and it's not, I have to parrot them.

00:25:15.066 --> 00:25:18.270
My morning is now off or it's canceled, or it's whatever.

00:25:18.270 --> 00:25:19.861
Now it is.

00:25:20.401 --> 00:25:25.486
I get to do this, they get to do that, and we all get to be present in the same room doing it together.

00:25:25.826 --> 00:25:29.306
it's not a hindrance anymore, it's an elevation of the experience with them.

00:25:29.306 --> 00:25:31.736
It's simply shifting the mindset to do it.

00:25:31.736 --> 00:25:43.326
And I feel that gives me a little bit of that mindful fire we're talking about is now, I feel on point when they come down, how does this elevate my family rather than how does this just make me have to stop doing what I wanted to do?

00:25:43.326 --> 00:25:44.586
it's totally different mindsets.

00:25:44.586 --> 00:25:44.756
Yeah, absolutely.

00:25:44.756 --> 00:25:45.155
And it works great.

00:25:45.365 --> 00:25:45.665
Totally

00:25:45.671 --> 00:25:46.086
different.

00:25:46.145 --> 00:25:48.066
Yeah, it's, I love that.

00:25:48.066 --> 00:25:53.580
I think I've been thinking about that recently, actually wanting to do that, right?

00:25:53.911 --> 00:26:07.250
Not, maybe not the whole miracle Morning, but certainly I had my version of it, which was like doing like 10 minutes of yoga, uhhuh meditation, affirmations, ideally journaling that didn't always get in there.

00:26:08.121 --> 00:26:10.246
but yeah, those are the main things that I would do.

00:26:10.556 --> 00:26:12.776
because when I was doing the full thing and I would do.

00:26:13.135 --> 00:26:14.726
A lot, but it would take two hours.

00:26:14.776 --> 00:26:15.496
And I loved it.

00:26:15.556 --> 00:26:16.486
It was the best.

00:26:16.486 --> 00:26:16.487
Yeah.

00:26:16.491 --> 00:26:27.756
And I was in, yeah, when I was doing that, I was in like the best shape that I've been in recent memory because I was just doing that little bit, but I was doing it every day and it, it felt great and it started my day off.

00:26:27.806 --> 00:26:36.955
And so recently I've been thinking about how do I create the conditions for my son to entertain himself and do something while I'm doing it?

00:26:36.986 --> 00:26:39.205
Coloring books certainly thought about that.

00:26:39.205 --> 00:26:51.531
I feel like sometime I've been, saying I was going to sleep so early or so late, watching the N B A playoffs, I was watch, I would come down and put a show on for him and then I would just like sleep on the couch next to him.

00:26:52.061 --> 00:26:59.166
but sometimes when I'm gotten better sleep, I like will just go in the other room next door and meditate.

00:26:59.557 --> 00:27:01.251
And so we've got a little practice there.

00:27:01.251 --> 00:27:08.777
But I think you're totally right that it's all about the way that you frame it and this is an opportunity for him to be involved in this Yes.

00:27:08.836 --> 00:27:12.886
And to start developing these habits and to see me doing these healthy habits.

00:27:13.237 --> 00:27:17.426
So I think it can be either or, and I've felt both for sure.

00:27:18.086 --> 00:27:18.446
Yeah.

00:27:18.507 --> 00:27:24.446
if this is a place where a listener might take a note and here might be the note, this is what I call the pill and the peanut butter and the pill.

00:27:24.446 --> 00:27:31.406
And the peanut butter is, you know how when you have a dog and the dog will never take any medicine and you have a pill from the doctor and the vet, the dog won't take it.

00:27:31.616 --> 00:27:35.997
But if you stick it in that delicious peanut butter put on your finger, they will lick that thing off, man.

00:27:35.997 --> 00:27:36.597
And they will get better.

00:27:36.926 --> 00:27:39.267
And they'll think the peanut butter is what's doing it right.

00:27:39.267 --> 00:27:41.997
So the pill and the peanut butter is what you just described.

00:27:42.027 --> 00:27:44.817
It's modeling for them, modeling for our kids.

00:27:44.946 --> 00:27:47.942
these habits, these routines, this thinking, this behavior.

00:27:48.182 --> 00:27:54.642
And if they come down, the first thing they see on my face is frustration, that now they are interrupting me, then that's not the way that I want them to see.

00:27:55.612 --> 00:27:57.771
When they see their dad for the first time in the morning, right?

00:27:57.826 --> 00:27:58.666
Or to start the day.

00:27:58.876 --> 00:27:59.116
Yeah.

00:27:59.146 --> 00:27:59.926
Or to start the day.

00:28:00.166 --> 00:28:01.336
So I think you're totally right.

00:28:01.336 --> 00:28:10.727
I think it's the framework we take to the table When they show up in the morning, it's how do we take our mindset from one of this is a hindrance, this is an annoyance, and shift it to this is an elevation.

00:28:10.906 --> 00:28:18.957
Or how do we take it to a place of, I envision that when my children are 18, God willing, they graduate high school.

00:28:18.957 --> 00:28:22.527
If that's still a thing in 10 years, I think it will be.

00:28:22.767 --> 00:28:23.287
I think it will be.

00:28:23.291 --> 00:28:33.727
So they, they graduate high school and I envision that they say to me, dad, I thank you for everything you've done, to help me get this far.

00:28:34.307 --> 00:28:41.356
I envision that in their head they're thinking, my dad really loves me and I can do whatever I put my mind to.

00:28:41.656 --> 00:28:48.576
And that's what my version of success looks like as a parent up until that 18 and 20 year old framework for them is they think that way.

00:28:49.801 --> 00:28:54.182
If I'm envisioning that, then how do I reverse engineer that to happen in real life?

00:28:54.481 --> 00:28:58.172
And I feel that we're, we've stumbled upon something that is instrumental in the process.

00:28:58.422 --> 00:29:15.872
it is how I show up every day to help them see, and I'm modeling for them, these habits, these thinkings, these behavior patterns so they can see this is what it looks like, to be at peace with yourself, to, work on, being a better husband, a better father, a better human.

00:29:16.281 --> 00:29:17.511
that's what I'm modeling every day.

00:29:17.541 --> 00:29:28.451
I want them to catch me doing it, and especially when they come into the room or when they're present, I want them to catch me and see me modeling that though.

00:29:28.521 --> 00:29:29.612
Yeah, I think that's important.

00:29:30.481 --> 00:29:30.842
Yeah.

00:29:30.932 --> 00:29:31.471
I agree.

00:29:31.592 --> 00:29:32.041
I agree.

00:29:32.041 --> 00:29:37.362
they always say that, they may not listen to what you're saying, but they're certainly learning from what you're doing.

00:29:38.172 --> 00:29:41.652
If a hundred percent man, they're sponging up every day.

00:29:42.311 --> 00:29:42.461
Yeah.

00:29:42.461 --> 00:29:42.912
Every day.

00:29:43.672 --> 00:29:47.281
I'd love to talk about, uh, the Miracle Morning, but I'd love to go back for a second cuz I Sure.

00:29:47.311 --> 00:29:50.551
I struggle with this for some time the idea of the alarm clock.

00:29:50.951 --> 00:29:54.221
and first the idea of this is an alarm.

00:29:54.741 --> 00:29:57.981
when I think of alarms, I think of fire drills in school.

00:29:58.412 --> 00:30:07.342
I think of the whistle, blowing, if there's like a nuclear or something happening or I think about alarm is not a positive framework for me.

00:30:07.392 --> 00:30:09.132
and it's on all of our phones.

00:30:09.132 --> 00:30:10.872
We call them alarm clocks forever.

00:30:11.362 --> 00:30:12.892
I wouldn't call it that anymore.

00:30:12.922 --> 00:30:17.122
Now I look at what I have over here on my phone and now it's not alarm clock.

00:30:17.741 --> 00:30:18.461
it's time.

00:30:18.821 --> 00:30:27.632
So when you look at my iPhone over here, I've got, like nine different, times that are set up to notify me that it's time to move into this.

00:30:28.142 --> 00:30:31.291
It's time to move into this next stage of the day.

00:30:31.632 --> 00:30:51.342
so rather than the frame of, this is my alarm clock jarring me to life, the first thing that comes on when I have at 4:30 AM six days a week when this comes on, the words it says on here are, it's time, and it's got a smiley face and a heart, and a couple of, arrows moving up, in a sun, right?

00:30:51.642 --> 00:30:52.662
It says it's time.

00:30:53.321 --> 00:30:56.167
And then the next one that comes on, it comes on half an hour later.

00:30:56.448 --> 00:30:58.458
that's about the time I'm finishing some exercise.

00:30:58.667 --> 00:31:02.147
It's, it says, crush the day, right?

00:31:02.238 --> 00:31:04.218
In every one of these, you might call it alarm clock.

00:31:04.218 --> 00:31:07.482
I have a, a little framework I use for it rather than call it alarm clock.

00:31:07.913 --> 00:31:11.897
I call it, this is the stage of the day and this is how I wanna show up in this time.

00:31:12.827 --> 00:31:14.387
So nice, tiny, a little tweak.

00:31:14.387 --> 00:31:18.917
But I think about it as if my kids are the alarm clock, that means that they're jarring me to life.

00:31:19.218 --> 00:31:29.817
What if my kids are, the signal where it's time to be loving, or a signal for it's time to model patience, or it's a signal for it's time for me to show up and give my best.

00:31:29.998 --> 00:31:35.637
Just the tiny little things we can do mindfully that can help our inner narrative.

00:31:36.038 --> 00:31:41.228
those are the things just get me all jacked up about helping people find joy and happiness and inner peace.

00:31:41.508 --> 00:31:43.428
it can be in some of those daily things.

00:31:43.958 --> 00:31:49.637
like the first cup of coffee, I've seen some people, and I know my wife used to do this and I used to do this.

00:31:49.998 --> 00:31:55.587
I need that first cup of coffee before, I'm awake and alive in the morning and don't talk to me before the first coffee.

00:31:55.593 --> 00:31:55.857
Coffee.

00:31:56.307 --> 00:31:57.357
Cause I'm a grmp of sores.

00:31:57.607 --> 00:32:00.847
by the way, that, that's a highly technical kid term for you out there.

00:32:00.853 --> 00:32:01.198
Grpa sores.

00:32:01.198 --> 00:32:01.278
Yeah.

00:32:01.317 --> 00:32:02.597
A grmp of sores, right?

00:32:02.788 --> 00:32:03.077
Yeah.

00:32:03.278 --> 00:32:07.028
So I think about it instead of, I need that cup of coffee to come alive.

00:32:07.373 --> 00:32:20.742
I instead, it might be this cup of coffee, is gonna flow through me and provide even more energy, and more support or more love for the day, or just some framework that empowers rather than allows.

00:32:20.903 --> 00:32:31.738
So that's the way I like to think about starting the day and designing the ideal day is the framework of everything that, that I intentionally put in the body or put into the mind or put into my world.

00:32:32.087 --> 00:32:34.728
it's really designed to be that ideal experience.

00:32:35.807 --> 00:32:36.167
Yeah.

00:32:36.577 --> 00:32:37.087
I love that.

00:32:37.087 --> 00:32:37.147
I

00:32:37.153 --> 00:32:38.167
found that very helpful.

00:32:38.567 --> 00:32:38.857
Yeah.

00:32:39.157 --> 00:32:40.577
That, think that ties into the Miracle Morning.

00:32:40.678 --> 00:32:51.998
You know, back in July of 2015, my buddy Matt King and his wife Jamie, they gifted me how Elrod's book The Miracle Morning, which I'm showing on screen for those who might see this on YouTube, this book, the Miracle Morning.

00:32:51.998 --> 00:32:55.898
Now, I did not know how Elrod at the time when I started to practice this thing.

00:32:56.782 --> 00:32:59.603
And I've since met him and we've become friends and he's awesome.

00:32:59.603 --> 00:33:00.593
So he's very genuine.

00:33:00.593 --> 00:33:03.432
And this is what I highly encourage everyone to check out this Miracle Morning.

00:33:03.702 --> 00:33:08.137
But I remember starting to do it, Adam, and it was like a game changer.

00:33:08.137 --> 00:33:15.518
It was like a brand new lens that put over the day of I can actually control, man, there's my word as a recovery perfectionist.

00:33:15.577 --> 00:33:25.637
I could control, how I enter each day and I can do consistent exercises and activities that really help me prime the day.

00:33:26.238 --> 00:33:28.307
And the Miracle Morning is great for that.

00:33:28.367 --> 00:33:30.439
And you don't have to do all of it.

00:33:30.978 --> 00:33:33.587
You can do some of it or any part of it you might want.

00:33:33.887 --> 00:33:34.758
Just think about it.

00:33:35.208 --> 00:33:48.317
What if for just 10 minutes a day, five or six days a week, you woke up and you did something that nourishes your soul, you did something that helps you.

00:33:48.857 --> 00:33:50.567
In some way every day.

00:33:50.807 --> 00:33:56.397
Imagine it's like that old adage I heard from Jim Ron, and Apple a day keeps the doctor away.

00:33:56.857 --> 00:33:59.768
it's not 365 apples on December 31st.

00:34:00.278 --> 00:34:01.958
It's not a chocolate bar a day.

00:34:01.958 --> 00:34:04.147
Keeps the doctor away, even though I like to eat chocolate.

00:34:04.478 --> 00:34:07.087
No, it's compounding every day.

00:34:08.347 --> 00:34:13.987
What if you spent 10 minutes on yourself for yourself, every single morning, every day for a year?

00:34:14.318 --> 00:34:15.788
Imagine what you could accomplish.

00:34:16.297 --> 00:34:19.148
And that's like real, like envisioning or mindfulness to me.

00:34:19.148 --> 00:34:24.757
It's, taking that time every morning to pour into yourself, to pour into your own need.

00:34:24.757 --> 00:34:31.288
It helps you get what you want, and to keep building on this idea of the miracle mourning.

00:34:31.898 --> 00:34:34.148
there, there are six parts of it in the book.

00:34:34.608 --> 00:34:37.813
and I'm not gonna go through every single one of them, but you can read the book and check it out.

00:34:37.813 --> 00:34:41.353
I will share one of them, the one that really helps me.

00:34:41.902 --> 00:34:44.443
Maybe the reason why we're doing the show together right now.

00:34:45.492 --> 00:34:47.322
Is that envisioning process.

00:34:47.322 --> 00:34:51.882
One of the parts of Miracle Warning, it's Savers is the acronym the V is envisioning.

00:34:52.483 --> 00:35:03.103
And ever since we met in October, almost seven months ago, I've been envisioning, or envisioning to use your term, envisioning what a great day might look like for me today.

00:35:04.132 --> 00:35:10.193
how am I gonna show up in such a way so that Julie, my wife, says, Matt, you are a great listener today.

00:35:11.273 --> 00:35:18.052
How am I gonna show up today so that my kids say Daddy loved me and he really paid a lot of attention to me today?

00:35:19.112 --> 00:35:27.393
how am I gonna show up today so that my clients feel I'm fully engaged and adding value and holding them accountable what they said they're gonna do?

00:35:28.112 --> 00:35:39.592
These are questions that I literally sit here and will take about two minutes from each of those questions and think about and envision in my mind, who am I today that's a good listener to Julie?

00:35:39.592 --> 00:35:40.373
How am I showing up?

00:35:40.373 --> 00:35:41.483
Who am I as a good dad today?

00:35:42.413 --> 00:35:53.972
And if I don't do that, I am, I my own patterns and habits and I go out there and I'm not, always paying attention to my wife and to my kids the way that I feel I could be Right.

00:35:53.972 --> 00:35:54.902
Ever feel that way?

00:35:55.092 --> 00:35:56.797
you go to work and you crush it all day work.

00:35:56.797 --> 00:35:58.358
You feel really successful and you feel great.

00:35:58.358 --> 00:36:06.072
You come home, it's oh, I'm so burned out and I come home and, my, my wife and kids are right here and maybe there's a little bit of conflict.

00:36:06.072 --> 00:36:07.063
Maybe there's some yelling.

00:36:07.603 --> 00:36:12.612
And now I just worked really hard today to help provide for the family.

00:36:12.612 --> 00:36:15.012
And I come home to this and I, it makes me frustrated.

00:36:15.523 --> 00:36:16.762
I, and I didn't like feeling that way.

00:36:16.902 --> 00:36:25.938
So I practice and envision how I'm gonna show up when I walk into that circumstance at peace and ready to be present for them.

00:36:26.717 --> 00:36:28.007
Yeah, I think that's great.

00:36:28.057 --> 00:36:30.878
it just brings together the questioning, right?

00:36:30.878 --> 00:36:39.597
The going to questions when we are faced with a situation or go, just in general, right?

00:36:39.838 --> 00:36:45.208
Like you are matching, envisioning with questions in the miracle morning, right?

00:36:45.208 --> 00:36:55.737
So you're setting yourself up mindfully to see, to ask yourself questions of how you wanna show up in your day to achieve that ideal day, right?

00:36:55.978 --> 00:37:06.072
And so I think it all comes together really nicely and I think those are very practical ways that people can set themselves up to have a great day.

00:37:06.342 --> 00:37:17.373
Whether they can design their whole day or they can just intentionally ask the question and choose how they hope to show up in.

00:37:18.822 --> 00:37:20.382
Various moments, right?

00:37:20.532 --> 00:37:28.092
With their coworkers, with their boss, with their clients, with their family, with their friends on the road, right?

00:37:28.092 --> 00:37:28.273
yep.

00:37:28.302 --> 00:37:29.742
When someone honks at you, right?

00:37:29.748 --> 00:37:32.262
How do you want to show up?

00:37:32.922 --> 00:37:45.583
And to create some space to actually ask the question and practice it in your mind is essential to actually being ready when that situation presents itself.

00:37:45.672 --> 00:37:47.503
So I think that's a really powerful practice.

00:37:48.373 --> 00:37:49.182
A hundred percent.

00:37:49.182 --> 00:37:59.333
and I would even go so far as to give you a real life example of here's what it might look like if you are practicing it, and for the audience at home, if you're driving, then don't start riding while you're driving.

00:37:59.422 --> 00:38:02.722
If you're sitting at home, you're sitting somewhere, then maybe this is a place to grab a pin.

00:38:02.722 --> 00:38:07.552
And I make this note, what is it in your life?

00:38:08.273 --> 00:38:16.583
It's a challenging circumstance that you can reasonably predict is gonna happen again and again, that we might prepare for.

00:38:17.713 --> 00:38:21.132
and I'll give you an example and I'll give you a personal and then a professional example.

00:38:21.132 --> 00:38:41.713
The personal example might be when my children are and I love them to death, and when they're just being kids, a six-year-old and a four-year-old sisters, sometimes they might get into a little disagreement and they might start to, elevate their voice, maybe yell at each other, and it may feel like they're going crazy at the moment.

00:38:42.103 --> 00:38:51.432
And when that happens, there was a part of me a number of years ago that would yell at them to stop yelling at each other.

00:38:52.483 --> 00:38:54.193
And that, just think about that for a second.

00:38:54.503 --> 00:38:59.693
I want them to stop yelling, so I am going to model behavior of yelling at them to stop yelling at each other.

00:39:00.052 --> 00:39:03.023
It sounds kinda ridiculous and I've done it way too many times.

00:39:03.532 --> 00:39:03.833
Me too.

00:39:04.342 --> 00:39:06.483
so yeah, we're being real transparent here.

00:39:06.722 --> 00:39:16.748
I started to ask the question of, when they start to yell or when they start to trigger me, How might the ideal dad, Matt, show up next time?

00:39:17.617 --> 00:39:18.608
And this is the question.

00:39:19.177 --> 00:39:26.137
So we're talking about questions that are triggered in your mind when you have challenging circumstances come up over and over again.

00:39:26.628 --> 00:39:30.603
so when the kids start to yell, if the kids do some behavior that challenges you as a parent.

00:39:31.632 --> 00:39:37.242
The first question that comes up in my mind now talked to me by my friend Adam, right?

00:39:37.663 --> 00:39:39.492
another friend Adam that taught me this.

00:39:39.733 --> 00:39:45.554
It says, this Adam, he's sitting on my shoulder and he says to me, How might ideal dad Matt, show up right now?

00:39:45.702 --> 00:39:49.992
That's the question There shows up in my mind when the kids start to go nuts, right?

00:39:50.233 --> 00:39:54.463
So that informs my behavior of the ideal dad.

00:39:54.463 --> 00:39:59.362
Max shows up, patient, cool, calm models, emotional intelligence models.

00:40:00.327 --> 00:40:01.228
This cool behavior.

00:40:01.288 --> 00:40:03.057
And by the way, I'm not perfect at it.

00:40:03.057 --> 00:40:05.878
And I do get frustrated and I'm just like everyone else out there.

00:40:06.177 --> 00:40:07.077
Definitely not perfect.

00:40:07.557 --> 00:40:16.257
And I've made progress on this over time by practicing this idea of asking yourself a question when you're triggered, right?

00:40:16.677 --> 00:40:18.867
So anyone at home can do that.

00:40:19.498 --> 00:40:23.097
You're prepared that when you're triggered by something that's the kid example, right?

00:40:23.637 --> 00:40:31.768
When you're triggered by something and what's the question that might come up in your mind when the kids are behaving in such a way that's unbelievable or challenging for me?

00:40:32.398 --> 00:40:38.608
Another question that comes up in my mind, what's the worst that might happen if I don't correct this behavior right now?

00:40:39.717 --> 00:40:44.277
So as a recovering perfectionist, I want to control everything and I definitely don't want them to.

00:40:44.652 --> 00:40:46.722
Disrespect dad.

00:40:46.972 --> 00:40:50.443
And then for those who can't see me, that was, I was making some facial movements there.

00:40:50.782 --> 00:40:51.172
there was some

00:40:51.172 --> 00:40:53.452
sarcasm there, there was a little bit of sarcasm there.

00:40:53.452 --> 00:40:54.527
there's a little sarcasm there.

00:40:55.077 --> 00:40:55.867
Maybe a lot.

00:40:56.746 --> 00:40:57.286
Maybe you lie.

00:40:57.286 --> 00:40:57.586
Yeah.

00:40:57.827 --> 00:40:58.067
Yeah.

00:40:58.067 --> 00:40:58.907
Let's have fun with it.

00:40:58.907 --> 00:41:02.976
I'd love to poke bon it myself while we're going through this because that's how we learn, right?

00:41:03.277 --> 00:41:25.146
So if you know there's some behavior that's going on and I want to control it, I want them to stop that and learn, is it best for me just to shut'em all down and teach them that whenever you're behaving in this way that it's not good enough or you're not enough, I'm not saying if they're running out in the road in the middle of car, that's an instant.

00:41:25.416 --> 00:41:26.797
Gotta yell, gotta stop them.

00:41:26.797 --> 00:41:27.427
That's different.

00:41:28.356 --> 00:41:33.097
Or if they steal candy from the grocery store line, that's different.

00:41:33.246 --> 00:41:35.317
We've gotta correct that behavior immediately.

00:41:36.666 --> 00:41:49.641
If they're doing something, like they're standing up at dinner rather than sitting down at the table, and they're going off and bouncing off the walls has served me better, to teach and coach and develop them by yelling at'em.

00:41:49.942 --> 00:41:51.561
In my mind, it does not anymore.

00:41:52.161 --> 00:41:55.371
So now what's the worst of mine happen if I don't correct that behavior?

00:41:56.121 --> 00:42:03.541
And I let them use some of that, that leash to test their boundaries and to see what happens and they learn from that.

00:42:04.061 --> 00:42:06.612
And some of you might be thinking, they're learning that I can walk all over dad.

00:42:06.661 --> 00:42:10.527
in some cases I gotta determine what's okay and what's not okay.

00:42:10.887 --> 00:42:23.067
There are some clear boundaries, but I'd say just being able to see and identify your triggers and have a question in there that is the essence of what we're talking about is what's the trip wire to the question.

00:42:23.757 --> 00:42:25.387
Adam, these are a couple of examples.

00:42:25.387 --> 00:42:48.157
If the kids trigger you and we both have young kids, so that, that's why I talked about it, I'd love to share an example if it's something like in your business if a coworker, and it can be a boss of yours, it can be an employee of yours, a peer of yours, just if a coworker does something that annoys you or just gets under your skin or frustrates you, how do you respond to that?

00:42:48.876 --> 00:42:56.887
this happened recently and when I was coaching someone, when they got an email that triggered them, made them feel really defensive and judged and had to defend themselves.

00:42:57.666 --> 00:42:58.597
So what did they do?

00:42:58.601 --> 00:43:01.896
They fire back instantly reply all.

00:43:02.146 --> 00:43:03.286
it's not done that way.

00:43:03.286 --> 00:43:04.637
The expectation was set.

00:43:04.637 --> 00:43:05.447
You're wrong.

00:43:05.452 --> 00:43:06.947
it was pretty much all the dos and don'ts.

00:43:06.952 --> 00:43:13.112
they did all the don'ts in that email, and I would coach them to do this, and I did coach'em to do this.

00:43:13.202 --> 00:43:20.461
When you get triggered by someone that sounds pretty judgey or sounds, makes you defensive in an email, the first thing.

00:43:21.166 --> 00:43:29.327
I might encourage you to do is ask yourself, how might I be benefiting myself by responding in an aggressive tone right now?

00:43:30.197 --> 00:43:39.567
And there's not really many benefits if you respond back in a reply, all email, corporate America, if you go right at it right away, reply all to everyone.

00:43:40.257 --> 00:43:52.257
So the question is, how might, by sitting on this for a little while and going and talking to the person, be a better solution than firing off an immediate email?

00:43:52.827 --> 00:43:57.177
That might be the trigger for the question you might ask if you get a bad email.

00:43:57.487 --> 00:44:02.766
or if yeah, someone owes you something, they owe you a follow up, they owe you as the leader.

00:44:02.771 --> 00:44:04.692
they owe some accountability and they don't do it.

00:44:05.322 --> 00:44:08.411
A lot of leaders, the first thought is, Hey, where is this?

00:44:08.472 --> 00:44:09.672
You didn't get this on time.

00:44:09.851 --> 00:44:10.541
You're fired.

00:44:10.661 --> 00:44:12.251
Or, what the heck is wrong with you?

00:44:12.257 --> 00:44:13.692
Why can't you be counted on to do this?

00:44:13.692 --> 00:44:25.911
they fire off in some way like that, and my feedback might be, If someone doesn't meet the expectation that you set with them, then how might I use this as a learning opportunity to enhance and improve my leadership skill?

00:44:26.192 --> 00:44:27.692
so I ask how I might get better at this.

00:44:27.692 --> 00:44:31.952
So I just coached a team of 17 that leads a, an organization of a couple thousand.

00:44:31.952 --> 00:44:34.731
I'm coaching the 17 leaders this past week on this exact subject.

00:44:35.431 --> 00:44:49.592
And many of them just get straight into defensive mode and just start poking, prodding, challenging everyone, and they don't get to the heart of why the person was upset or why the person was behind, and really support them through it and help them learn from it.

00:44:49.802 --> 00:45:02.251
I'll extract out of the weeds for a second here, just to share that when you get triggered, if you know what your triggers are and you can reasonably predict they're gonna happen again and again, and how might you trip?

00:45:02.251 --> 00:45:07.431
Wire your thinking and set a trip wire in there that causes you to ask a question that can serve you.

00:45:07.882 --> 00:45:08.512
That's the thought.

00:45:08.516 --> 00:45:08.641
Yeah.

00:45:10.132 --> 00:45:10.552
No, that

00:45:10.672 --> 00:45:15.351
it makes a lot of sense, and I think most people can relate to those examples, right?

00:45:15.351 --> 00:45:17.931
Where somebody sends you an email that upsets you.

00:45:18.242 --> 00:45:31.302
I've, I learned that lesson the hard way a long time ago, and if any email that triggers me, I just close it and I walk away and I answer it later, or even better go have a conversation with the person.

00:45:31.751 --> 00:45:31.902
Yes.

00:45:31.902 --> 00:45:37.791
But, yeah, like that is a well worn trip wire for me, where it's oh, that email's pissing me off.

00:45:38.271 --> 00:45:40.791
That means I need to go, I need to go for a walk.

00:45:41.121 --> 00:45:41.931
I need to close it.

00:45:41.936 --> 00:45:44.692
I, there's no chance I'm responding to that right now.

00:45:45.262 --> 00:45:53.672
And it has served me very well because I learned the hard way, like you said, ask the question what good could come of responding to this now?

00:45:54.512 --> 00:46:01.322
And yeah, How might I benefit from taking a break before I respond to this?

00:46:01.751 --> 00:46:03.402
How might that result in a better

00:46:03.481 --> 00:46:03.931
outcome?

00:46:04.652 --> 00:46:12.786
Yeah, I like it and I like the way that you just work through it, and I think that there is some learning lesson in working it out.

00:46:13.396 --> 00:46:15.106
especially working out real time live.

00:46:15.157 --> 00:46:34.222
I go so far when I'm with coaching clients, when I'm with my own team, when I'm in front of a team, when I'm coaching the entire team or facilitating in a group setting of, 50 or a hundred or a few hundred, if I make a mistake as a recovering perfectionist, I would say that this used to eat me up.

00:46:34.222 --> 00:46:47.112
I used to get stressed out about it, and now it's man, how might this actually be here in the moment to teach me something, So if it's not perfect, I'm more okay with it now than ever before because I've practiced through this envisioning technique.

00:46:47.757 --> 00:46:48.507
Being prepared.

00:46:48.507 --> 00:46:51.086
What happens if I'm on stage and I forget what to say?

00:46:51.717 --> 00:46:55.407
How might I use that as a learning moment and teaching moment for the audience in the crowd?

00:46:55.407 --> 00:47:03.362
So if I forget what I'm saying in a speech, which I did years ago, I'm speaking at a real estate conference here in Charlotte, North Carolina where I live.

00:47:03.367 --> 00:47:10.922
There's 125 people at this luncheon, and I'm two minutes and 47 seconds into a speech, and I play in like the first 60 seconds of every speech.

00:47:10.922 --> 00:47:12.331
So I'm, I knew where to start.

00:47:12.632 --> 00:47:17.072
I'm about two minutes and 47 seconds in, and I just, Adam, dude, I totally stuttered.

00:47:17.402 --> 00:47:19.052
I lost my train of thought.

00:47:19.442 --> 00:47:26.146
I just trying to say, James clear's Atomic Habits book the, aggregation of marginal gains, right?

00:47:26.146 --> 00:47:26.686
In chapter one.

00:47:26.686 --> 00:47:32.567
I was trying to tell that story and I just blah, blah, blah, came outta my mouth for five seconds, couldn't put those words together.

00:47:33.626 --> 00:47:35.067
so I had a deer in headlights moment.

00:47:35.277 --> 00:47:38.996
I literally lost my train of thought, got totally uncomfortable in front of everyone.

00:47:39.356 --> 00:47:50.282
And because I had been envisioning this practicing this, In that three to five seconds of blah, blah, blah, which then led to about three to five seconds of silence.

00:47:51.661 --> 00:48:02.972
The tripwire question that came up was, how might I actually enjoy this moment and learn from it, rather than freak out?

00:48:03.271 --> 00:48:04.211
How might I enjoy this?

00:48:04.222 --> 00:48:05.132
Learn from it.

00:48:05.132 --> 00:48:09.362
So I remember that three to four seconds of forgetting what I was gonna say in the speech.

00:48:10.231 --> 00:48:14.342
I looked around at everybody and I said, holy cow.

00:48:15.302 --> 00:48:21.061
This is what it's like as a professional speaker to forget where you were in your talk.

00:48:21.811 --> 00:48:22.891
Soak it in everyone.

00:48:22.896 --> 00:48:24.001
This is what it's like.

00:48:24.992 --> 00:48:25.442
Okay.

00:48:25.891 --> 00:48:26.702
Let's move on now.

00:48:27.001 --> 00:48:27.362
All right.

00:48:27.422 --> 00:48:28.556
And that, that was it.

00:48:28.556 --> 00:48:30.746
That was pretty much one of several responses.

00:48:30.797 --> 00:48:33.047
if I lose where I am in my speech, then just keep going.

00:48:33.047 --> 00:48:33.586
But that was.

00:48:33.887 --> 00:48:37.547
Three to five seconds of the question in my mind and what I said out loud.

00:48:37.827 --> 00:48:38.766
And they're, that's okay.

00:48:38.766 --> 00:48:44.737
I want them to know that I'm human and fallible and make mistakes and imperfect and, yeah.

00:48:45.336 --> 00:48:45.666
Anyways, yeah.

00:48:45.726 --> 00:48:47.166
Thanks for, let me share that story.

00:48:47.617 --> 00:48:47.976
Sure.

00:48:47.981 --> 00:48:48.817
No, it's great.

00:48:48.847 --> 00:49:05.436
Yeah, it just, it speaks to how these questions can serve us and what I'm picking up on throughout everything you're saying is that all of these moments, every moment potentially, probably is a chance to learn and grow and improve ourselves.

00:49:05.916 --> 00:49:17.641
And so that's what I'm hearing in all of your examples and asking questions in those moments is the gateway to get those, get that growth, get those learnings.

00:49:18.362 --> 00:49:19.172
Absolutely.

00:49:19.351 --> 00:49:24.601
A good resource for this, for listeners out there who want to go a little bit deeper and work on their game.

00:49:24.842 --> 00:49:27.931
I learned a lot from a book written by Mary Lee Clark.

00:49:29.056 --> 00:49:32.492
The name of the book is Change Your Question, change Your Life.

00:49:33.541 --> 00:49:38.521
For most of my coaching client, at some point we engage in an exercise with that book.

00:49:39.481 --> 00:49:45.092
And the theme of that book is around the idea of your internal navigation system.

00:49:45.097 --> 00:49:47.501
Is it set to be a judge or is it set to learn?

00:49:48.121 --> 00:49:50.161
Are you a judger or a learner?

00:49:50.581 --> 00:49:54.362
Judges think in terms of statements, right?

00:49:54.632 --> 00:49:56.882
Learners think in terms of questions.

00:49:57.452 --> 00:50:03.121
So I've worked on this over the years to change the internal dialogue to become one of a question.

00:50:03.121 --> 00:50:07.771
So you gave an example earlier of what if someone cut you off in traffic?

00:50:08.501 --> 00:50:11.831
a good example might be, man, that person's a jerk man.

00:50:11.831 --> 00:50:14.621
That person's horrible driver, man.

00:50:14.621 --> 00:50:15.492
They know what they're doing.

00:50:15.492 --> 00:50:16.331
that's the judger.

00:50:16.391 --> 00:50:20.652
The learner is, man, that person over there.

00:50:20.652 --> 00:50:22.992
I wonder what's happening in their day.

00:50:22.996 --> 00:50:27.882
Cause them to do that, you know what's happening in their world that causes them to.

00:50:28.632 --> 00:50:31.422
Cut other others off and drive erratically and aggressively.

00:50:32.382 --> 00:50:39.851
So I, I like to ask questions instead of make the statement, because that puts me in the learning mode to see things through the lens of other people.

00:50:40.431 --> 00:50:50.641
and that's a far more powerful, and inner peace driving mode than one who's always judging and controlling, right?

00:50:50.641 --> 00:50:53.891
So that might be, one thought to what we'd said earlier.

00:50:54.461 --> 00:50:59.501
So to keep moving forward, I wanna go back to one, one other thing you shared earlier, Adam, we talked about design.

00:50:59.501 --> 00:51:01.061
The ideal day was one thought.

00:51:01.181 --> 00:51:08.626
And the second thought you had earlier was, around making that switch, going from the end of your workday into the family world.

00:51:09.117 --> 00:51:13.556
I might call this some compartmentalizing your workday, right?

00:51:13.561 --> 00:51:17.126
So if you go back and think about, some people have a real difficult time.

00:51:17.126 --> 00:51:22.766
In fact, most people have a really hard time with switching from work mode to family mode.

00:51:23.617 --> 00:51:25.891
and having that balance, that harmony in between.

00:51:26.492 --> 00:51:28.862
And I remember I struggled with this for the longest time.

00:51:29.012 --> 00:51:34.172
It's always empty tank at the end of the day for the person I'm in a relationship with or even my kids.

00:51:35.101 --> 00:51:35.972
So how do you do that?

00:51:36.211 --> 00:51:37.771
There's a couple things I'd encourage people.

00:51:37.771 --> 00:51:41.052
Here's a couple of tactics that you might be able to use right away.

00:51:41.052 --> 00:51:41.331
Team.

00:51:41.742 --> 00:51:44.041
It'll help you to compartmentalize your work.

00:51:44.552 --> 00:51:48.222
One thing, it's gonna cost you$11 to do this.

00:51:48.501 --> 00:51:49.336
and it's so worth it.

00:51:49.336 --> 00:51:56.427
And it's so funny, those of you on YouTube can see I have just picked up what I call the, the cell phone jail.

00:51:57.166 --> 00:52:01.666
But at the end of the day, whenever I finish work, I was wondering what that was back then.

00:52:02.206 --> 00:52:03.077
Oh, I pulled it out, man.

00:52:03.077 --> 00:52:10.797
I pulled it out for a reason cuz this little oh boy, little plastic,$11, cell phone jail is the funniest, most ridiculous thing in the world.

00:52:10.947 --> 00:52:35.686
And every one of my clients gets one when we start working together because, This is one where if your trigger or your barrier to, being present with your spouse or being present with your kids, if it's your mobile device, which it is for a lot of us, and I'm very guilty of this, which is why I have this, whenever I finish up work and normally I finish up work at the exact same time because there is a signaler on my phone.

00:52:35.686 --> 00:52:41.456
Remember not an alarm, there is a signaler that signals it's time to be the best dad I can be and the most present husband I can be.

00:52:42.086 --> 00:53:01.686
So when I get that signal from my phone at 5:01 PM Eastern on Monday through Thursday, I then take my phone and I open up this little cell phone jail and I put my phone in the jail and it stays in there til at least 7:30 PM cuz my kids go down at seven and I'm free by seven 15 to seven 30 to hang out with my wife.

00:53:02.436 --> 00:53:04.536
But then it's not present phone.

00:53:04.536 --> 00:53:06.007
It's not present when the kids.

00:53:06.436 --> 00:53:07.067
after work.

00:53:07.246 --> 00:53:13.126
That's one way to compartmentalize, is to remove the distractions, remove the things that trigger you.

00:53:13.577 --> 00:53:15.617
And I know that a text message will trigger me.

00:53:16.007 --> 00:53:23.297
Email is not so much anymore, but a text message will trigger me to pick up my phone, look at it, respond, and not be present with the kids.

00:53:23.567 --> 00:53:27.226
So that's one thing is to put that phone on ice in a cell phone jail.

00:53:27.527 --> 00:53:28.306
A second thing.

00:53:28.306 --> 00:53:32.416
An even more powerful thing, when we meet face-to-face in person.

00:53:32.577 --> 00:53:33.867
you're gonna notice this right away.

00:53:33.987 --> 00:53:34.586
Everyone does.

00:53:34.592 --> 00:53:41.197
They always comment on it that in my front left pocket of my clothes, there was a bulge.

00:53:41.257 --> 00:53:42.496
Now, hey, guess what friends?

00:53:42.887 --> 00:53:43.737
Keep your mind out.

00:53:43.987 --> 00:53:48.186
The gutter, the bulge is this I'm thing I'm showing you on the screen right now.

00:53:48.487 --> 00:53:52.266
It is a little squeeze ball of a smiley face, okay?

00:53:52.567 --> 00:54:00.608
And I always have it on me that for in the shower, this squeeze ball right here is how I compartmentalize from section to section in the day.

00:54:01.746 --> 00:54:26.072
And the way I do it is that anytime I'm getting ready to switch from this podcast to the next exercise or coaching call to, practicing my golf game or time with my wife, Julie, to time with the family, anytime I'm switching kind of mindset or switching the frame, I'll grab this little smiley face, squeeze ball, and I call this, I learned this from Tony Robbins.

00:54:26.282 --> 00:54:31.302
I'll call this my emotional anchor, and it anchors me from place to place.

00:54:31.512 --> 00:54:40.362
So I will give it, I'll give it a squeeze, I'll take a deep breath, and I'll give myself permission to move that next place in the day.

00:54:40.632 --> 00:54:55.942
So at 5 0 1, on most regular days of during the week at 5 0 1, I'll grab this, take a deep breath, pause, and give myself permission to move that next part of the day.

00:54:57.112 --> 00:55:01.117
And I used to have to put the cell phone in jail to get away from the phone.

00:55:01.806 --> 00:55:05.106
Now I do it instinctually, so I'm away from the phone.

00:55:05.347 --> 00:55:07.237
I've got this little squeeze ball.

00:55:07.597 --> 00:55:09.637
It gives me permission to move to the next part.

00:55:09.847 --> 00:55:17.106
And when I do tell myself, you know what, Matt, it's time to let go of that part of the day and move on to the next part of the day.

00:55:17.706 --> 00:55:21.007
And that's how I go from each part of the day to each part of the day.

00:55:21.217 --> 00:55:23.976
And it takes a lot of practice and it's very challenging.

00:55:24.277 --> 00:55:33.737
And the benefit of that is that I don't have like e emotional, hangover from work to playtime and hangout time with the kids.

00:55:34.007 --> 00:55:39.347
I'm not carrying the heaviness of, I still have 52 emails in the box I didn't touch yet.

00:55:39.797 --> 00:55:42.496
And I give my, myself permission to let those things go.

00:55:42.657 --> 00:55:43.677
they're gonna be there tomorrow.

00:55:44.637 --> 00:55:46.197
They may still be there a couple days from now.

00:55:46.286 --> 00:55:48.086
And if I don't ever respond to'em, guess what?

00:55:48.092 --> 00:55:51.027
If they're that important, the people will follow up again anyways.

00:55:51.067 --> 00:55:51.286
Yep.

00:55:51.626 --> 00:55:53.666
But I give myself permission to let go.

00:55:54.536 --> 00:55:56.186
From activity to activity.

00:55:56.996 --> 00:55:58.137
What do you think about that?

00:55:58.226 --> 00:55:59.817
How does that connect with you, Adam?

00:56:01.407 --> 00:56:05.487
I really like the idea of the different times of the day.

00:56:05.492 --> 00:56:09.806
I'm actually curious, like you said, you have nine signals on your phone.

00:56:09.927 --> 00:56:10.016
Mm-hmm.

00:56:10.257 --> 00:56:11.277
Curious what those are?

00:56:12.536 --> 00:56:12.746
Good.

00:56:12.806 --> 00:56:13.317
I'll share'em with you.

00:56:13.376 --> 00:56:16.617
I've got'em right here and not everyone's gonna be able to see these.

00:56:17.016 --> 00:56:18.217
but I'll pull up and show'em to you.

00:56:18.222 --> 00:56:18.726
here we go.

00:56:18.726 --> 00:56:19.416
Right here.

00:56:19.967 --> 00:56:23.447
I'll just pull on my document camera so you can see'em, but I'll describe'em to the audience.

00:56:23.447 --> 00:56:26.766
So the first one is at 4:30 AM And that's called, it's time.

00:56:27.336 --> 00:56:28.027
Every day.

00:56:28.056 --> 00:56:28.657
It's time.

00:56:28.661 --> 00:56:32.942
And I got a couple of emojis in there, and then the next one is 5:00 AM it's called Crush the Day.

00:56:33.481 --> 00:56:35.851
And that goes off and normally about half an hour into the day.

00:56:35.851 --> 00:56:37.652
And it's exercises wrapping up.

00:56:37.891 --> 00:56:44.342
The next one is 5:30 AM 5:30 AM So I've done the Miracle Morning for an hour at five 30.

00:56:44.342 --> 00:56:48.211
I unload the dishes and I make the lunches and I get ready to make breakfast.

00:56:48.626 --> 00:56:50.036
so that's be the best dad.

00:56:50.036 --> 00:56:54.237
Now, every day I'm awaiting the kids to come in.

00:56:54.626 --> 00:56:58.137
Six 50 is always an active alarm or pardon of me.

00:56:58.286 --> 00:56:59.967
Actually, this one kind of is an alarm.

00:56:59.996 --> 00:57:05.456
This jars me out of complete playtime and fun time with the kids.

00:57:06.237 --> 00:57:10.166
And it brings me to, you know what, now this is a signal.

00:57:10.166 --> 00:57:15.697
It's time to get to work because at 7:00 AM is when I do my livestream every day, on my social media accounts.

00:57:16.507 --> 00:57:19.297
10 33 is text.

00:57:19.297 --> 00:57:25.757
My wife, I'm very intentional that I have these certain times throughout the course of the day that I send my wife.

00:57:25.876 --> 00:57:27.106
Just funny shit, man.

00:57:27.436 --> 00:57:36.967
Like literally I will send her the most outrageous, memes and gifs, that I can find, and I will send them to her at 10 33 1 0 2.

00:57:37.746 --> 00:57:39.036
Here's 3 45.

00:57:39.771 --> 00:57:42.081
5 0 1 here comes again, 5 0 1.

00:57:42.081 --> 00:57:42.681
That's the time.

00:57:42.681 --> 00:57:43.641
Be the best role.

00:57:43.981 --> 00:57:45.902
I could possibly be as a husband and a father.

00:57:46.351 --> 00:57:46.711
Look at this.

00:57:46.711 --> 00:57:48.811
Seven 15, I got Julie.

00:57:48.817 --> 00:57:51.032
Quality time, I got a little eggplant and donut.

00:57:51.032 --> 00:57:51.902
Use your imagination.

00:57:51.902 --> 00:57:52.262
People.

00:57:52.266 --> 00:57:52.771
That's a joke.

00:57:52.771 --> 00:57:56.621
But at the same time, it's quality time with my lady, So it's time for us to hang out.

00:57:56.702 --> 00:58:00.262
and then from there at 7 59, I put down tea time.

00:58:00.871 --> 00:58:07.637
and then the tea time is when I literally boil some tea and have, some teeth end of the day to decompress and start to go into wind down mode.

00:58:08.027 --> 00:58:09.376
But those are my alarms.

00:58:09.646 --> 00:58:16.317
Sa slash I call them signals on my phone that signal me to go from each step of the day to the next one.

00:58:16.827 --> 00:58:17.157
Got it.

00:58:17.277 --> 00:58:17.967
That's what it looks like.

00:58:17.972 --> 00:58:18.077
Yeah.

00:58:19.197 --> 00:58:19.467
Very

00:58:19.472 --> 00:58:19.976
cool.

00:58:20.547 --> 00:58:22.217
I, I appreciate you walking through that.

00:58:22.757 --> 00:58:24.646
So let's switch gears a little bit.

00:58:24.706 --> 00:58:31.007
we, I wanna talk, we talked a lot about kind of thinking about better questions.

00:58:31.646 --> 00:58:48.333
And setting yourself up for the day by approaching the first 10 minutes, even the first minute or two, mindfully moving into the Miracle Morning approach, which highly recommend people check out that book, get it and implement it in your life in whatever way makes sense.

00:58:48.851 --> 00:58:53.251
But all of these things I think of as investments in yourself.

00:58:53.472 --> 00:58:57.681
You talked about the 10 minutes, day investing in yourself.

00:58:57.711 --> 00:59:01.041
You didn't use the word investing, but it is investing, right?

00:59:01.092 --> 00:59:03.311
And there's a compounding effect of that.

00:59:03.702 --> 00:59:07.661
How do you think about investing in yourself more broadly?

00:59:10.092 --> 00:59:10.722
Good question.

00:59:11.072 --> 00:59:19.891
I like to think of myself, and when it comes to the subject of investing in yourself, I think of it in terms of these buckets know, and one bucket.

00:59:19.896 --> 00:59:22.501
These are the most important buckets for me.

00:59:22.871 --> 00:59:24.762
I've got my business.

00:59:25.436 --> 00:59:32.757
My wife, my children, I've got as a human and me.

00:59:33.177 --> 00:59:34.226
Those are five buckets.

00:59:34.706 --> 00:59:37.077
All right, so specifically investing in yourself.

00:59:37.286 --> 00:59:40.262
Investing in you, me, right?

00:59:40.322 --> 00:59:43.532
This is how I invest in me every single day.

00:59:43.992 --> 00:59:46.052
I hit 50 puts.

00:59:46.056 --> 00:59:47.192
Yeah, I'm a golfer.

00:59:47.192 --> 00:59:48.452
I hit 50 putts.

00:59:48.782 --> 00:59:54.271
I invest quality time into things that I really give me energy that I enjoy.

00:59:54.601 --> 00:59:55.592
I love to play golf.

00:59:55.621 --> 00:59:57.811
I'm playing golf today in about three hours from now.

00:59:57.871 --> 00:59:58.681
Cannot wait to do it.

00:59:58.686 --> 00:59:59.282
Love to do it.

00:59:59.581 --> 01:00:02.652
That's how I invest in me is find things that give me energy.

01:00:03.101 --> 01:00:05.771
for example, you and I are in a mastermind class together.

01:00:05.981 --> 01:00:09.101
That gives me a lot of energy to be learning something.

01:00:09.101 --> 01:00:10.692
So I invest in myself.

01:00:10.992 --> 01:00:13.601
I'm in five mastermind groups like, wait a second.

01:00:13.601 --> 01:00:14.442
That's a lot of stuff.

01:00:14.442 --> 01:00:14.711
Matt.

01:00:14.952 --> 01:00:16.121
How do you find time for all that?

01:00:16.431 --> 01:00:17.762
those are the things that are for me.

01:00:19.731 --> 01:00:22.492
I make time for my children every day.

01:00:22.492 --> 01:00:25.461
I've got at least four hours every day that are uninterrupted with my children.

01:00:25.822 --> 01:00:30.376
I've got at least three hours every day that are uninterrupted with my wife, right?

01:00:30.646 --> 01:00:35.427
So for the rest of the time in there, I've got at least 90 minutes every day just for me.

01:00:36.297 --> 01:00:37.436
And I take on Fridays.

01:00:37.717 --> 01:00:42.157
I do a lot of investing in Me too, so it's with my mastermind group.

01:00:42.157 --> 01:00:48.637
So of course one of'em is with Dustin Rickman's profit, podcast Accelerator, working on how to be a great podcast guest.

01:00:48.817 --> 01:00:50.106
Hopefully we're showing up today.

01:00:50.376 --> 01:00:53.166
Your listener will be the judge of that, or the learner of that.

01:00:53.166 --> 01:00:54.976
Think you're doing great, right?

01:00:55.157 --> 01:01:08.777
pro Rod Dads is another mastermind in to be the best, family man with the business that I can be, I'm in another group called Tribe of Investors, investing in myself to, to learn the tips and tools and strategies, for being a great investor, right?

01:01:10.072 --> 01:01:12.291
So these are three of the main groups I'm in.

01:01:12.291 --> 01:01:15.952
I've created my own masterminds going live here in about five months from Fright Town today.

01:01:16.402 --> 01:01:17.452
So excited about that.

01:01:17.762 --> 01:01:19.681
I make time to read every day.

01:01:19.681 --> 01:01:22.621
So these are things, and by the way, if anyone's like Matt, that's overwhelming.

01:01:22.626 --> 01:01:23.431
That's a lot of stuff.

01:01:23.672 --> 01:01:35.072
It's not quite as overwhelming as it might sound when you really take a hard look at your priorities and you design, this is the way that I'd like it to look.

01:01:36.152 --> 01:01:44.251
And what I'm describing right now, today was not the way that it was eight years ago, six years ago, even one year ago.

01:01:44.702 --> 01:01:49.561
It takes time, discipline, practice, and the benefits are outright amazing.

01:01:50.072 --> 01:01:57.652
And with investing in yourself, I'll give you one thought around financial independence and when it comes to business and making money, I think this could be helpful to people.

01:01:57.711 --> 01:02:02.362
There is such a culture in America now to keep up with the Joneses.

01:02:03.032 --> 01:02:07.507
To have this glamorous life and share it on all your social media accounts.

01:02:08.536 --> 01:02:16.322
I think about financial independence as being free from a lot of extra wants.

01:02:16.862 --> 01:02:20.853
If you wanna be financially independent, one way to do it is make a lot of money.

01:02:21.242 --> 01:02:31.871
Another way to do it simply to want less and be really comfortable and present with what you have, So to circle it back to what you described in the beginning is that you're doing well financially.

01:02:31.876 --> 01:02:33.492
You're living be below your means.

01:02:33.882 --> 01:02:35.112
You are doing well.

01:02:35.112 --> 01:02:36.822
You personally, you're doing well at that.

01:02:36.827 --> 01:02:38.081
I'm doing well at that.

01:02:38.831 --> 01:02:51.327
The old thinking of, I need to achieve, I need to accomplish, I need to get more and more, that may not be serving me at the age of 46, the same way that it was serving me when I was single at 27.

01:02:51.967 --> 01:02:52.711
So I believe, yeah.

01:02:52.771 --> 01:02:56.282
Now how do I get to a place?

01:02:57.237 --> 01:03:03.331
Where I'm totally comfortable, happy, satisfied, and happy.

01:03:03.391 --> 01:03:10.771
Like internally, happy with myself and my circumstance so I can be present with my family and be present with people I love the most.

01:03:11.342 --> 01:03:18.811
And the, my conclusion just keeps coming back to be happy with less want less, and I'll be happy.

01:03:18.811 --> 01:03:24.722
So that's part of the financial independence puzzle for me is wanting less, being happy with it.

01:03:25.592 --> 01:03:31.646
So that's a thought about how I invest in the, with masterminds and working on wanting less and being really present.

01:03:32.487 --> 01:03:33.206
Those are some thoughts.

01:03:34.016 --> 01:03:34.407
Very cool.

01:03:34.916 --> 01:03:35.126
Very

01:03:35.126 --> 01:03:35.246
cool.

01:03:35.367 --> 01:03:35.697
I like that.

01:03:35.967 --> 01:03:46.056
I, I've heard that idea of, intentionally wanting less, but the way I've thought about it is just realizing that everything I want, I already have.

01:03:47.012 --> 01:03:50.972
And so that's a flip of it, but I, it makes a lot of sense.

01:03:51.692 --> 01:03:52.112
All right.

01:03:52.161 --> 01:03:56.601
let's shift gears now, Matt, into what I call the mindful fire Final four.

01:03:56.811 --> 01:03:57.202
Are you ready?

01:03:57.382 --> 01:03:57.411
Oh,

01:03:57.771 --> 01:03:58.342
yeah, baby.

01:03:58.342 --> 01:03:58.762
Let's do it.

01:03:59.271 --> 01:03:59.902
All right.

01:04:00.291 --> 01:04:03.052
So the first question is about envisioning.

01:04:03.561 --> 01:04:09.681
I'd love to hear a quick story about something that you envisioned happening in your life.

01:04:09.711 --> 01:04:17.302
Maybe it seemed impossible or improbable at first, but how you made it happen using the power of your predictive mind.

01:04:18.771 --> 01:04:20.331
I got a story for you here.

01:04:20.331 --> 01:04:28.351
the first thing that comes to mind is, back in 2015, I had a bad accident, out of my control.

01:04:28.382 --> 01:04:35.851
I was going down a zip line and it broke, like the worst possible thing that could have happened, going down a zip line, carefree.

01:04:35.882 --> 01:04:36.512
This is fun.

01:04:36.601 --> 01:04:38.702
I've been down like 50 zip lines in my life.

01:04:39.632 --> 01:04:40.842
The, when I was down at that time, it broke.

01:04:42.112 --> 01:04:47.387
And I share the story because it led me to a place that terrified the heck out of me.

01:04:47.936 --> 01:04:51.447
I was in a really challenging place where my back was messed up.

01:04:51.452 --> 01:04:55.077
When I hit the ground, I saw stars and I turned into a question mark.

01:04:55.077 --> 01:04:56.306
My back was messed up.

01:04:56.306 --> 01:04:57.146
I'm glad I'm alive.

01:04:57.152 --> 01:05:01.887
And my, so I got really messed up in an accident and just fell out of the sky.

01:05:02.126 --> 01:05:02.367
yeah.

01:05:02.367 --> 01:05:03.266
Just fell, hit the ground.

01:05:03.686 --> 01:05:06.291
Just fell and hit the ground, landed on my butt bone and, it

01:05:06.291 --> 01:05:06.411
did

01:05:06.411 --> 01:05:08.922
the, did the harness break or did the wide

01:05:09.192 --> 01:05:09.492
break?

01:05:09.536 --> 01:05:09.806
no.

01:05:09.806 --> 01:05:14.302
it was, what was interesting about it is that I've been down this zip line, this exact zip line, probably like 30 times.

01:05:14.362 --> 01:05:14.782
been down a lot.

01:05:15.632 --> 01:05:18.271
it, the line itself didn't break and the harness didn't break.

01:05:18.492 --> 01:05:23.822
the way that it was set up though, was, there's a handle up there and the handle broke.

01:05:24.811 --> 01:05:25.891
The handle broke.

01:05:26.342 --> 01:05:31.746
And and I'm strong enough in my hands at least, that I'm not gonna be dropped from it.

01:05:32.577 --> 01:05:37.956
and it's not like 300 feet up in a Costa Rican jungle, I'm only, I say only with a grain of salt.

01:05:37.956 --> 01:05:48.286
I'm only 25 feet above the ground and my feet are like, by the time I was falling, I'm probably about 12 to 13 feet above the actual ground when it broke.

01:05:48.291 --> 01:05:53.996
Still, I, at the time, I was a 250 pound man at, 40 some odd years of age.

01:05:53.996 --> 01:05:56.516
And it, it was catastrophic what happened in my body.

01:05:56.547 --> 01:05:56.757
Yeah.

01:05:56.996 --> 01:06:14.967
But the reason I share the story is cuz it led me to a place a couple months later where I had to have, for the first time in my life, an r i and if anyone here has ever had an MRI and has a claustrophobia, this is actually a very challenging place to be cuz they load you up in this tube, in this machine.

01:06:15.356 --> 01:06:27.621
Then they, once you're laying down the machine, you're laying there just in your t-shirts, your shorts and your underwear, whatever you're laying there and they push the button and they insert you laying flat into a machine and you cannot move in this machine.

01:06:27.652 --> 01:06:28.791
And it starts to get hot.

01:06:29.197 --> 01:06:31.717
Loud sounds are hitting you from every direction.

01:06:32.077 --> 01:06:33.606
And it can be quite terrifying.

01:06:33.697 --> 01:06:40.436
I didn't know about this cause I never had one, but people that, when I told'em I was getting one, they told me stories about how they couldn't take it.

01:06:40.436 --> 01:06:42.956
They had to be pulled in and out of it and they could never finish the m r I.

01:06:43.436 --> 01:06:46.757
So I was actually a little bit, maybe a little bit intimidated by this going in.

01:06:46.786 --> 01:06:48.677
Here's where the envisioning came in.

01:06:49.456 --> 01:06:53.987
The, I knew that if I were to go in this MRI machine out and open my eyes, I was done for her.

01:06:54.137 --> 01:06:55.817
I was gonna probably freak out in my head.

01:06:56.306 --> 01:06:58.012
cause I don't like to be confined in a small spot.

01:06:58.012 --> 01:06:58.702
I'm a big boy.

01:06:58.762 --> 01:07:01.282
I'm six six, so I was about two 50 at the time.

01:07:01.282 --> 01:07:02.291
And, I didn't want that.

01:07:02.731 --> 01:07:10.411
So I, they put me in the, and I decided that I was going to envision myself playing a round of golf.

01:07:10.411 --> 01:07:11.702
My eye was gonna stay closed.

01:07:12.032 --> 01:07:15.271
I was gonna play a round of golf in that MRI machine.

01:07:15.722 --> 01:07:17.521
I was gonna be in there for about 45 minutes.

01:07:18.211 --> 01:07:22.442
So I went to the course that I play in my mind a bunch.

01:07:22.572 --> 01:07:24.722
That was Charlotte National Golf Course.

01:07:24.751 --> 01:07:25.652
Local course in town.

01:07:26.536 --> 01:07:28.456
And I played the round of my life.

01:07:29.237 --> 01:07:32.746
I think I birdied out and eagled every hole shot like under par everywhere.

01:07:33.177 --> 01:07:33.626
it was great.

01:07:33.896 --> 01:07:34.106
Yeah.

01:07:34.106 --> 01:07:34.527
Why not?

01:07:34.527 --> 01:07:34.856
Why not?

01:07:34.856 --> 01:07:35.067
Why not?

01:07:35.067 --> 01:07:36.266
So I envisioned that.

01:07:37.077 --> 01:07:37.496
Okay.

01:07:37.717 --> 01:07:51.286
long story short, I go forward in time and once all the back stuff was resolved, and by the way, it ended up in a spinal surgery, which I survived and came out of and thank God, I was able to walk again.

01:07:51.291 --> 01:07:54.077
Cause I ended up in a wheelchair for some time and very, and it was disabled.

01:07:54.376 --> 01:07:56.507
Couldn't do much of anything that I was used to doing.

01:07:57.146 --> 01:08:00.117
but past all of that is where the envisioning came back.

01:08:00.746 --> 01:08:14.097
My first round of golf, back after the surgery and after all of this, I played that golf course that I envisioned in that M R I machine and I shot one of the lowest scores in my life.

01:08:14.101 --> 01:08:21.837
I shot a 64 and at that golf course that happens to be 700 par I had shot 700 part in years.

01:08:22.646 --> 01:08:23.606
And I used to play pro golf.

01:08:23.606 --> 01:08:31.256
I've shot that, but two times my whole life, my first round back after all of this stuff, hadn't swung club in a long time.

01:08:31.707 --> 01:08:37.976
I shot a 64, almost exactly the way that I had envisioned there because my mind was free and clear of it.

01:08:37.976 --> 01:08:43.667
So the envisioning process, what I needed to really hone in and focus on what was in my mind, I did.

01:08:43.787 --> 01:08:46.907
And I just kept thinking about it and I kept envisioning it.

01:08:47.567 --> 01:08:53.896
And before you know it, it happened like almost a year and a half later after the accident, I was back playing golf again.

01:08:53.957 --> 01:08:56.917
And yeah, that was seven years ago, almost today.

01:08:57.197 --> 01:08:57.417
Wow.

01:08:57.697 --> 01:08:59.256
Seven years ago that had the surgery.

01:08:59.497 --> 01:09:02.407
So anyways, that was the example of envisioning.

01:09:02.856 --> 01:09:03.216
Yeah.

01:09:03.216 --> 01:09:04.386
pretty powerful stuff.

01:09:04.457 --> 01:09:05.327
on all accounts.

01:09:05.837 --> 01:09:06.556
Gotta ask.

01:09:07.306 --> 01:09:10.067
Have you been on a zipline since or are you done with zip lines?

01:09:10.287 --> 01:09:11.226
I don't be done with zip lines.

01:09:11.337 --> 01:09:11.787
Yeah, man,

01:09:11.867 --> 01:09:13.167
I don't like to say the word never.

01:09:13.386 --> 01:09:16.207
I'm pretty confident, comfortable that the word never is in play here.

01:09:16.207 --> 01:09:17.766
I don't think I'm ever going on a zipline again.

01:09:17.917 --> 01:09:18.306
You're good.

01:09:18.577 --> 01:09:19.747
You've done enough zip lines.

01:09:19.752 --> 01:09:19.988
I'm good, man.

01:09:20.917 --> 01:09:21.636
I've done a Zipline.

01:09:21.641 --> 01:09:21.827
50

01:09:22.056 --> 01:09:23.436
50 zip lines is enough.

01:09:23.436 --> 01:09:23.747
Zip lines.

01:09:24.457 --> 01:09:24.907
Yeah, man.

01:09:24.907 --> 01:09:25.266
I'm good.

01:09:25.327 --> 01:09:25.657
I'm good.

01:09:25.657 --> 01:09:25.658
Thank you.

01:09:25.663 --> 01:09:26.796
Thank you for, offering.

01:09:26.796 --> 01:09:27.127
I'm good.

01:09:28.367 --> 01:09:28.777
It's good.

01:09:29.197 --> 01:09:30.747
It's good to confirm, All right.

01:09:30.747 --> 01:09:36.021
Matt, what piece of advice would you give to someone early on their path to financial independence?

01:09:37.881 --> 01:09:49.971
I'd use a quote that I heard one time and it would be slow is smooth and smooth is fast because it doesn't seem like it all adds up.

01:09:50.992 --> 01:09:54.851
I can assure you compound interest adds up.

01:09:55.942 --> 01:10:00.141
And I didn't get that in my early twenties when I was spending everything.

01:10:00.921 --> 01:10:03.381
But since about 15 years ago, I've been saving.

01:10:04.042 --> 01:10:04.851
I've been saving.

01:10:05.481 --> 01:10:15.862
And on the quest of financial independence, I'll give you the basic advice, which is to save 10 or 15% of everything that you earn and then live from what's left over.

01:10:16.431 --> 01:10:17.692
That's the basic advice.

01:10:18.171 --> 01:10:22.192
Now, that's 1 0 1 advice that most people don't even take that advice.

01:10:22.372 --> 01:10:23.002
No judgment.

01:10:23.002 --> 01:10:27.171
If you don't, by the way, anyone out there, it's an opportunity to try that.

01:10:27.591 --> 01:10:34.587
That's what my dad did, And he was never the highest paid person and never rich financially, to the best of my knowledge.

01:10:35.606 --> 01:10:37.947
And he saved 10% of everything yearned.

01:10:38.346 --> 01:10:51.591
And by the time he died, unfortunately died, actually he died this week, 18 years ago on Memorial Day, 18 years ago he died and couldn't find out, I didn't know this at the time, but he had.

01:10:52.192 --> 01:10:56.402
Saved quite an amount, because of saving 10% of everything.

01:10:56.407 --> 01:10:58.891
So that, that's financial piece Number one is level 1 0 1.

01:10:59.131 --> 01:11:11.072
I'd say the level, like the higher level financial advice is get yourself around people that have money, that have financial wisdom to share.

01:11:11.671 --> 01:11:16.862
Because every person out there who's broke or living check to check, they have financial advice to give.

01:11:17.431 --> 01:11:20.162
And I'm not judging them from them sharing advice.

01:11:20.162 --> 01:11:23.612
I'm simply sharing that take with a grain of salt.

01:11:24.002 --> 01:11:29.551
People who offer advice, who don't have the thing that you're wanting advice for.

01:11:30.152 --> 01:11:31.502
that's a good point.

01:11:31.502 --> 01:11:35.042
And can be applied to everything, right?

01:11:35.122 --> 01:11:41.752
if the, if you're getting advice from somebody about something that you want that they don't have, you should probably question that advice.

01:11:42.127 --> 01:11:43.627
So it's a good point.

01:11:44.436 --> 01:11:44.796
All right.

01:11:44.796 --> 01:11:51.067
The third question is, what piece of advice would you give to someone getting started with meditation and or mindfulness?

01:11:53.737 --> 01:11:54.337
Man, I did

01:11:54.337 --> 01:11:57.487
it five times, twenties in my early thirties.

01:11:57.877 --> 01:12:01.777
I didn't get any perceived benefit from it the first five times to try it.

01:12:01.777 --> 01:12:02.046
I don't.

01:12:02.667 --> 01:12:11.646
So I would say that if you're gonna do it and stick with it, give yourself a, I would say a 90 day window.

01:12:11.676 --> 01:12:11.917
Yeah.

01:12:11.917 --> 01:12:12.306
90.

01:12:12.306 --> 01:12:12.997
Why 90?

01:12:13.596 --> 01:12:24.726
I found that the sixth time I tried meditation, sixth time, like all the most successful people that were inner peace and that were financially successful.

01:12:24.966 --> 01:12:36.697
And if you even go to Tim Ferris's book, tools of Titans, where he interviewed like several hundred, billionaires and famous people, and people that are like the iconic names out there and all these different industries.

01:12:37.582 --> 01:12:41.962
80% of'em have a daily meditation practice of some kind, right?

01:12:42.016 --> 01:12:47.407
So my advice is, if you're gonna do it, then stick with it.

01:12:48.157 --> 01:12:50.947
Do it intentionally, right?

01:12:50.947 --> 01:12:52.837
Stick with it and do it intentionally.

01:12:53.106 --> 01:12:55.261
And I believe you'll be able to, succeed doing it.

01:12:55.521 --> 01:12:59.367
Now, if I had to give you a resource, I happen to have one right here at my hand.

01:12:59.737 --> 01:13:01.537
there is a woman named Tara Brack.

01:13:01.877 --> 01:13:08.266
And she is the voice, at least she was the voice of the Calm app on your phone, which you can use for free.

01:13:08.756 --> 01:13:10.317
She's that meditation voice.

01:13:10.317 --> 01:13:13.947
And this is the first person I start to meditate to her voice and her meditations.

01:13:14.327 --> 01:13:15.686
Now, I still do it every day.

01:13:15.686 --> 01:13:17.157
I do it with the Peloton app.

01:13:17.796 --> 01:13:17.827
oh.

01:13:17.827 --> 01:13:18.006
Yeah.

01:13:18.407 --> 01:13:19.726
and my, so that's it.

01:13:20.367 --> 01:13:20.877
Stick with it.

01:13:20.877 --> 01:13:20.957
Very.

01:13:22.127 --> 01:13:22.697
All right.

01:13:22.747 --> 01:13:27.877
And Matt, the last question is, how can people connect with you online and learn more about what you offer and

01:13:27.877 --> 01:13:28.328
what you're up to?

01:13:29.572 --> 01:13:30.202
Great question.

01:13:30.202 --> 01:13:31.131
Thanks so much Adam.

01:13:31.131 --> 01:13:32.032
I'd say a couple things.

01:13:32.032 --> 01:13:36.481
First, you can go to any of the big social media places, LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram.

01:13:36.481 --> 01:13:40.681
Just check out Eternal Optimist Podcast to Matt, drink on, I'm at all those.

01:13:40.832 --> 01:13:52.532
But here is the call to action I'm really excited about is that I've created this masterclass around sales, and it's something along the idea of getting clients at will.

01:13:53.176 --> 01:14:02.417
So if you're someone out there that you know you're working on your business to grow it, to evolve it, and there's stress, there's anxiety, there's overwhelm around, man, how am I gonna get clients?

01:14:02.417 --> 01:14:03.676
How am I gonna keep clients?

01:14:03.837 --> 01:14:14.096
I've got a masterclass that I'm teaching around how to get those clients from the moment that you meet them, the conversations you have to walk'em on the path to get'em to become a client.

01:14:14.306 --> 01:14:15.567
Then onboarding them.

01:14:15.806 --> 01:14:19.617
That specific phase of getting clients at will.

01:14:20.051 --> 01:14:21.402
That's what I'm gonna teach people.

01:14:21.551 --> 01:14:27.462
And if you're interested in that class, then feel free to reach out to me at Matt drink on at any of those different places that I've mentioned.

01:14:27.792 --> 01:14:30.252
And if you do reach out and you mention.

01:14:30.368 --> 01:14:33.667
This podcast, A Mindful Fire podcast with Adam.

01:14:33.787 --> 01:14:34.478
You do that.

01:14:34.837 --> 01:14:39.578
Then there are gonna be a couple of free resources I send your way right away.

01:14:39.877 --> 01:14:41.557
So reach out to me right away.

01:14:41.608 --> 01:14:49.198
mention this podcast, mention the masterclass, and I will send you free resources on your path, to achieving what you want your business.

01:14:49.467 --> 01:14:50.997
So yeah, thanks for asking, man.

01:14:51.778 --> 01:14:52.467
You got it, man.

01:14:52.568 --> 01:14:56.078
thank you so much for being here and, sharing your wisdom with the audience.

01:14:56.768 --> 01:14:57.457
Pleasure, my friend.

01:14:57.457 --> 01:14:58.057
Real pleasure.

01:14:58.118 --> 01:14:58.478
Thank you.

01:14:59.377 --> 01:14:59.648
Sure.